September 23, 2006

It's September 23rd, 2006, the first night of navratri (actually, I don't know if it's the first night but it's the first night that people in America get to dance). Navratri is a nine day dance festival for Hindus in celebration of the Goddess Durga killing a demon. It's a very special time of the year when kids, like me, get dressed up in traditional indian cloths and dance in a circle and make a full of themselves. Having grown up in Augusta, it's a real special time because most everyone who's grown up in Augusta tries to come back from their undergraduate institutions and it's a time when the kids (who are now not kids anymore) get to catch up, meet aunties, old friends that they grew up with, uncles, old members of the community and just have a great time. All the little traditions of navratri in AUG: dancing in a High school gymnasium, eating food served by uncles in the community, running in circle's doing the train as Bhanu aunty sings the Gadi song, and most importantly, dancing with my friends, Kinj, Kavita, Preefs, etc--bring back such good memories. This year, I'm sitting in Atlanta studying for an Exam I'm going to have on Monday. It's the first year spending a official hindu holiday without my mom. My mom was a big part of Garba--she helped me get ready, allowed me to fuss around about what I wanted to wear, got my outfits together, fixed my clothing for me, sat on the benches and watched me dance, taught me how to sing the arti, did aarti with me at the end, and stayed till the end with me every year. Last year, my dad didnt want to come so it was just me and mom. I was only able to come home for one weekend and we went both nights. She dressed up in a sari and got me ready and we spent the whole night there. Pooja and Kishen and a few of the med school students were there and we had a great time. I remember walking home at the end of the night laughing and giggling about something. Just her and I, I think we were smiling about a friends little brother who had just started driving and were gigling about something or the other. We had some great navratris. In India we used to go around town to watch all the good garba places. When I was a kid, I used to beg mom to let me stay till late. We had a deal, if I finished my homework at school then I was allowed to stay till the end. For 9 days, the home work would always be done before I stepped into the house after school and there was never ever a complaint about not wanting to do homework or not being prepared for a test, etc. Some fun times. :o) This time of year, brings out those memories of all the times I bothered my mom and fussed around with her and made deals with her so that we both could enjoy Navratri. It's never going to be the same without her but atleast I got those memories.

Its pretty early in the morning on the 7th. I have my first medical school exam on Friday and just returned to my apartment from the library. As I was driving home, I was trying to think of all the muscles in my arm that I was using while stearing the wheel but it was just too late in the night be be thinking just complex thoughts. Suddenly, I thought about what the date was going to be tomorrow: its the 7th of September. Wow! 5 months. I've spent five months without my mom. I've started medical school, am officially in up to my neck and trying to keep my head above the waters. I've spent a month in anatomy lab, dissecting bodies of individuals who so gracially donated their bodies to medical science. I now know all the muscles in the back, arm and forearm, and maybe the hand. And tomorrow, I am going to spend the day cramming for my test on Friday. Five months ago, I started out the day..well you know what happened. It's just so surreal how life changes so fast from life, to death, to life again.
I miss mom every single day. It's not easy. Life doesn't stop. (I wouldn't mind if mom could get that guy up there to add a few more hours to the day tomorrow so I can study more for this test. ;o) )